Self-Respect for the Smart, Ambitious Woman

Self-respect.  It only comes from within.  No one can give it to you.

Self-Respect Required
Self-Respect Required

But how do you know if you have it?

And, how do you get more?

That’s what this Monday Maxim is all about.

Today’s Monday Maxim

This your mental Vitamin B. Each Monday I share a little motivation & insight to start the week. You’ve got a lot of people depending on you. There is big work for you to do. So here’s a maxim for you, the smart, ambitious woman, to help you SHINE.

More Self-Respect
More Self-Respect

“No man who is occupied doing a very difficult thing, and doing it very well, ever loses his self-respect.”  – George Bernard Shaw

As smart, ambitious women, we can get in our own way of having a healthy amount of self-respect.  We only see what we haven’t accomplished, rather than what gets done.

Consider what you go through in a day:

  • Taking care of others
  • Keeping the house clean & in order
  • Ensuring proper nutrition & exercise is taken care of for you & yours
  • Work responsibilities
  • Church responsibilities
  • Volunteer & Civic duties

This is the list when everything is going right. You do so much on autopilot that you haven’t taken a moment to evaluate how much that is.

When Things Are Difficult

What about when it’s not going right?  How do you get things in order?

Many women who are so excited and want to do something different. But when they turn around and look they just see a mess. How do you get things in order?

Lucille Ball once said, “Love yourself first and everything else falls into line. You really have to love yourself to get anything done in this world.”

That is the missing piece here. There’s a lot of times where you see that the house is a mess, laundry is not caught up and you’ve got to do all of these different things and your cousin still needs that help and your support.

And you still have got to go take care of this and all of these things.

Start with just making sure you’re clear you know and you make the checklist of what has to happen each day and you continue and move forward.  That’s how you ensure that you have even more to give to others is taking that 15 minutes of personal self-care.

Self-Care: the Best Productivity Secret

Maybe self-care for you is writing in your journal. Maybe it’s clicking on YouTube and watching that old episode of the show that you haven’t watched in 20 years that used to make you laugh so stinking hard.

Whatever it is that quick time helps you to get things in order because you are filled up.

You are taking care of you feel rejuvenated refreshed that you have even more to give to those around you. That is the best productivity secret that I have heard that nobody talks about self-respect. Taking care of yourself.

Making sure that you are on your calendar will save you hours and hours of time. To really love yourself is to really make sure that you are respecting, appreciating, and loving what is noble and good and those parts of you that sometimes we hide from the world.

To really love yourself, you must:

  • Stop comparing yourself to others
  • Start appreciating what makes you even more of YOU.
  • Start finding ways to be more of yourself amidst the craziness of the world.

Stop Comparing Yourself to Others

You’ve just got to stop comparing yourself to others. You’re not even here to be just like somebody else. So why are you trying to do it, right?

I’m sick of magazines that tell you to, “Follow these seven steps and you’ll be able to do this perfectly…” because maybe you’re not supposed to do that. I have just learned that even though I love in the kitchen it doesn’t mean everything I cook is gonna be something beautiful. All I could tell you some stories.

Start appreciating those things that make you who you are. For example, I love to think of these random little ideas fun and creative ideas of a way to give someone a gift or a way to know just these little things that I never thought was a talent that is really something I love and it makes me laugh and giggle and when I share it with other people I can just see them laughing and giggling and enjoying that. And I just loved having that part of my life.

Find Your Things, Build More Self-Respect

Find those things for you. Start appreciating that part of you,  then seek out ways to be more you amid a sea of this sameness. That’s how you start loving appreciating yourself. That’s how you start ensuring that rich self-respect and being able to get through that massive list of things that only you, that smart ambitious woman can get done.

Tell me in the comments below, How have you built more self-respect in your own life?

Ep. 115 – Just Be YOU

“Be you.”

It sounds so easy.  As smart, ambitious women, we know we have something to share. So, just be you.

Oh please.

If it were that easy, we wouldn’t have anyone struggling with feeling out of place, trying to fit in, and be something they are not.

When we really think about it, trying to be yourself without any concern of what anyone else may think or say or do…is the toughest job of all.

"The hardest battle is to be just you." Leo Buscaglia
“The hardest battle is to be just you.” Leo Buscaglia

Today’s Monday Maxim:

This your mental Vitamin B. Each Monday I share a little motivation & insight to start the week. You’ve got a lot of people depending on you. There is big work for you to do. So here’s a maxim for you, the smart, ambitious woman, to help you SHINE.

“Love yourself-accept yourself-forgive yourself-and be good to yourself because without you the rest of us are without a source of many wonderful things.” – Dr. Leo Buscaglia

Be You

This may be the most important thing you hear from anyone. Don’t believe all the hype.  Trust yourself.

Be you.  Completely you.  All YOU.

In this video, he also said,

“The hardest battle you are ever going to fight is to be- just YOU.” – Leo Buscaglia

Here’s the honest truth.  People pay extraordinary amounts to get the publicity they want so that they world sees them “How they want to be seen.”  It’s ridiculous.  Once you decide to be you, with your quirky love of the Muppets, or your fascination with breadmaking, or the way you can explain the ins and outs of high-quality Sharpies …that’s what makes you interesting.  That’s where people want to hear more from you.

Update:  This is so important that we remember this, a video was absolutely necessary.  Feel free to share!

You see, that stuff that makes you different is powerful. Marketable.  You can build an income off of these characteristic traits.

“I’m really convinced, that if you were to define love, the only word big enough to engulf it all would be Life.  Love is life in all of its aspects. And if you miss love, you miss life. Please don’t.” – Leo Buscaglia

See for yourself

Sometimes you hear people tell you about something good and think, “Yea, I should probably check that out…I’ll do it later.”

Here’s the truth, my friend.  Later doesn’t really come.  That is something we tell ourselves we’ll get to when deep down we know there is no way we will make sure that happens.

The passion that Dr. Leo Buscaglia shares with others is something so worthwhile I’m going to leave it here for you.  He believes in love.  So do you.  So do I.

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Love and Money

Love and money.  They go together like… peanut butter and jelly.

Love and Money
Love and Money. They go together. Really.

Really, if you don’t work out the money part now, you can almost guarantee more headaches and arguments later.

Who wants to fight over money?

Take a few steps to building trust and help your finances at the same time.

1.  Trust each other.

Trust equals love.  If you think you love someone, but don’t think you trust them…well, sorry to tell you, man, but that equals no dice on the love spectrum.  Sit down with one another and ask the questions so that you both know the track that you are on in your financial goals.

Now this may not be Valentine’s dinner conversation, but schedule some time to talk, without distraction, to clarify what your motivation is with money.  This one conversation can eliminate so much future frustration and anger.

Caveat (and a bonus):  As you become more clear about your partner’s goals in finance, this will flow over to other parts of your life.  Building even more trust between you.  How’s that for a win?  Build that bond.

2.  Share goals.

You need saving goals, weekly spending goals, retirement goals, and any kind of rainy day extra goals.  Have you taken the time to talk about it?  Make sure that if you are saving for a new car, your description of a new car and your partner’s description of a new are the same new car.

Decide the goals.  And then, make sure to write them down.  They say that, “A goal not written down is just a wish.”  We see people around us wishing to have a better financial situation, yet never taking a step toward that.  Why?  Because they have lost perspective.  Keep your goal clear.  Write it down.  Place that note somewhere you can see it every day.

3. Allow freedom for each partner to spend as they determine.

Sometimes you just need a new purse.  Or shoes.  Or lipstick.  (Oh, the lipstick…)  Or that really cute…”Thing” that would perfect on your mantle, or kitchen table. Your spouse may not get why that matters to you.

He sees that lipstick and asks, “it’s another pink lipstick, and don’t you think you have enough pink lipsticks?”  To which you politely inform him that, “Oh nooo!  This has an underlying woody, earthy tone you’ve never seen before, allowing you to use it with the neutral palette more than any other lipstick you have.”

But we haven’t started on his purchases…  Cables for computers, gadgets and electronics, anyone?

Golf paraphernalia?  (See.  You can tell I don’t get it.  I should have said equipment.  But in my mind it’s just paraphernalia.)

The point is, if each of you get a little freedom amidst the challenge of doing with less, you are able to stick to the goal even longer. When you’re budgeting and working on finance goals, it can feel like a sacrifice.  You are adults.  You know that there’s no point in whining.   You’ve got to have a little breathing room.

Besides, he may not understand the purpose of the lipstick, but he sure appreciates it when you wear it with that outfit.

4.  Build even more trust.

Each step helps you build to the next step in love and money.  Establish trust.  Share goals. Allow freedom.  All three steps help you to build more trust.  So you decide on some new goals.  Allow a bit more freedom, because you’ve established trust.  And it builds.

One day at a time.  Just like a great love story.

What is one way you make a love and money a part of your life?

Weekly Status Update, 9-15

Weekly Status Report

If you’re new here, this is my update on my Six month SMART Goal. If you’ve forgotten, or need a quick reminder, read here to remind you about SMART Goals.
Specific: Lose 35 pounds by December 31, 2014.

Measurable: Saturday status report.

Achievable: I can do this! I believe I can and I’m doing the work.

Results: Weekly weigh-in updates.

Timeline: ~6 Months

Feel free to share your weekly goal and status at #mysmartgoal. I’ll be looking for you on Instagram.

Weekly Status Report
Weekly Status Report

Here is my “Habits Checklist” to keep up with my goals.


This week has brought tremendous success in other aspects of my life and business, but I didn’t give the health side the focus that I felt it needed.  However, if I went to the kitchen for a snack, I would ask myself, “What’s the healthiest thing I can eat just now? ”  Often, that was a green apple.  Man, I love those things.  A small one is filling, has that sweet tart flavor and really energizes me.

Did I Make exercise a daily habit?

Not completely.  I went walking a few times with my family.  These beautiful crisp fall days make me want to be outside even more.  A quick walk in the afternoon has been the perfect way to take a break, get some fresh air and come back to housework or other projects renewed.

My daughter loves it, too.  She loves the time in the stroller. Sometimes we walk in peace, sometimes we are having those profound conversations that you can have with only  a three year-old.  She tells me everything in her mind.  I love that.
Did I write everything down that went in my mouth?

I did not.  I’m not making excuses for myself, but I am noticing a very serious change in the way I think about food.  Which is progress.

But thinking isn’t enough.  I have to make that change.  (Cue the Michael Jackson remix…)
Did I report in?

Yes.  I will remain true to the accountability. It’s good for me.  Really good for me to take time, evaluate and discover the next couple of steps I need to take to get better.

Overall result?

Before we talk numbers, I just have to tell you that I started watching “The Biggest Loser” again this week.  And, I love this new trainer, Jennifer Widerstrom.  She told the contestants in the first episode (and I’m paraphrasing, quite badly)  that dealing with weight either comes from a place of fear or a place of love.  You make the choice where it’s coming from.

She might have well hit me with a brick!  How did I miss THAT my whole life?  How can I love myself enough to take massive risk and challenges in so many other areas of my life… and not have the love I need for myself in this one?  I just need to be kinder.  To me.   I need to give myself a break and work through it daily.  This is HUGE.

And, well, so is this.  I gained 3.0 pounds this week.  It doesn’t surprise me as I’ve skipped meals, not slept very well and haven’t been on track.  But finally, this is a new week.

This has been slower than I ever expected.  But I’m not giving up.

Tell me now, how did your week go with you SMART goal?  Feel free to comment here or use #mySMARTgoal on Twitter or Instagram.

Can’t wait to hear all about it!