Money & Mom Guilt.

Money and Mom Guilt
Money and Mom Guilt

This month has been extremely productive. And a complete failure.

I’ve been able to accomplish a lot of items in preparation for some upcoming events.  That’s been great.

I just haven’t been a good Mom.  Read:  I haven’t been there for my daughter.

TV was a babysitter this month, not a reward.

Lunch was out while running some pressing errands, not something fun just for us.  This happened waaaaay more than I would ever like to share on a blog about saving money and building wealth.

Time was my enemy, not the tool I usually manage much more efficiently.

How on earth did I miss this?  Where did I fail? And why does Mom Guilt call up a family reunion so you’ve got Mom Guilt reuniting with Wife Guilt.  Fantastic.

But really, what can you and I both learn from my month of trying to be super productive that was really just a visit to the Distant-Mom-Zone.

Money doesn’t replace time.

I got completely lost this month.  I was rushing to accomplish more with my time, but guess what?  I did not have a plan.  Some projects that I thought would just take a half hour took a few solid hours. Instead of finishing the small project with my morning routine, running a couple of quick errands and ensuring that we were home at lunchtime- we found ourselves out in town and HANGRY.  So, of course, we just picked up something quick.

And something quick in town usually means= unhealthy and cheap or junk food.

Regardless of which, the lesson I’ve learned is that I ended up spending money to catch up on time.

I hate to admit this.  It makes me sick to think.  But my lack of planning this month has cost us a few hundred dollars.

This month has been like that movie where you know the train is going to wreck, but only the superhero can fix it …but instead of everything moving quickly and racing past, the movie slows down and this haunting music brings everything out of focus except for that one thing.

I thought that I was just going to do that.  Focus on that one thing and be able to power through.

Uh. Nope.  My life is not a superhero comic.  I just crashed.

And it wasn’t just my daughter that suffered.  My husband would come home after a long day at work and without saying a word, start working on the mountains of laundry I’d let slip by.

Because I was being focused, I thought.

Oh, please.

If I were smarter, I would have packed some snacks to allow for the 20 minute drive home.

If I were smarter, I would have sorted laundry before I went to the computer to complete the task.

If I were smarter, I would have realized that these extra projects I took on were much more time consuming than I realized.

If I were smarter, I would have said no to more things and understood the value of my time.

But I didn’t.

And I lost time while our family lost money this past month.

I learned that even though we had a budget in place like we always have, I got out of control.  I completely lost my focus.

Because I didn’t plan my time.

Money doesn’t replace relationships.

I really missed out on some quality time with my little girl this month.  This is a time when she needs me, too.  Letters are becoming more than just shapes in her mind.  They are becoming real.  We might be able to pull a few letters together and make a couple of words by summer’s end.  But I missed the mark this month.

What I realized is that I would convince myself on several of these crazy, harried-rush-Mom’s-in-a-mood days, that I was spending money on fast food and thinking “Well, we’re spending some time together.  She’s fine.”

So naturally I was still  being a good Mom.

Uh, we can all see how ridiculous that is.  But while I

In that moment, that’s what I was thinking.

The only way to have a good relationship is to invest in the relationship.  I was trying to make up for time lost with my child by spending money.

The thing is, my husband had a very full month of work, too.  Inside of checking in and really talking at night, we were both in our own worlds.

That will never work.

We’ve seen how parents think it’s easier to buy stuff instead of spending time with their children.  I became one of those this month.

We’ve seen how couples get so involved with their own lives, they forget to nurture their marriage.  Money can’t fix that.  Only both partners in the relationship can choose to work on it to fix that.

We took time and evaluated what has happened this month and made some changes.

I’m completely disappointed in myself.  And weirdly, kind of grateful that I had 3 weeks of this nonsense to wake me up to exactly the kind of person I don’t want to be.

Money doesn’t replace listening.

Sometimes the best thing I can do to show my love to my little girl is listen.

She’s got some big dreams and a vivid imagination.  If I don’t take the time to listen, she will find someone who will.

There is power in listening to others.  A power that money can’t buy.  Listening says, “I appreciate you.  You are important to me,” in a way that money never could.

Ironically, sometimes, that’s the best thing I can do to show my love to anyone.

You can’t replace that with money.  Even sending a gift to someone is a kind, lovely gesture.  But what of the listening?  You will never be able to understand another person more without taking the time to listen.

And I learned that the hard way this month.

I’m not asking for sympathy.  This has been a tremendous wake-up call for me.  My time, my relationships, my life matters and I didn’t value that this month.  And I didn’t just slip on those things.

I spent too much money along the way.

Money can not fill the void.

In several different ways, I can see how I was using money to fill a void.

Not going to give your child the attention they need?  Buy something.

Don’t want to take time to prepare healthy meals?  Buy junk food.

Don’t want to invest in my relationships?  Spend money frivolously.

All of these mistakes were made to fill the void of emptiness in my life as I thought I was focusing on other projects.  It reminded me of a time when my husband was gone for work and I had a nearly one-year-old.  I had never been so lonely.  Target became a friend.  Spending was filling that void.

I thought I had beat that. I’m so disgusted I missed the mark this month.  It will not happen again.

I’m asking you now for your insight:

Have you ever used money to fill a void?  How did you overcome that?

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