3 Reasons Why the Word “Can’t” Crushes You.

You know that the word “Can’t,” doesn’t help you. You’ve told that to others in your life.  Even Henry Ford taught us, “If you think you can or you think you can’t, you’re right.”

But did you know that the power of this word is hurting you?

One of the big challenges we face as smart, ambitious women, is that we are trying to accommodate so many other’s needs that we forget our own.

CAN'T is Crushing You. Here's How to Fix It.
CAN’T is Crushing You. Here’s How to Fix It.

We end up burnt out.  We have nothing left to give.

You know what I’m talking about, don’t you?

Stress is real.  The exhaustion is mental, emotional, and physical.

But, have you considered that you can change the entire process by which others follow your lead with a single word?

This recent discovery for me has made me reconsider so many ways I could have said no more kindly and firmly.

Using the Word “Can’t” Completely Crushes You.

My latest read and one that I will be reading again is The Motivation Mythby Jeff Hadenright

He has some tremendous insight and speaks in a frank, clear voice to you.  I appreciate the candor of his message.

Sick of the hype without the structure that can be found in the self-help book world?  Me too.  I love feeling all motivated…but what about afterward?  What about when I go back to my regular life and need to find ways to put the “Pie in the sky” ideas into practice?  That’s where The Motivation Myth comes in. This is a must-read if you are looking for the nuts and bolts to achieve those goals.  It is bold, clear, and practical.

One of the things that stood out to me most of all is the distinction between using the word “Can’t,” vs. “Don’t.”

Science Proves the Power of a Single Word

This isn’t a word power mind game either.  Science has proven that changing that one word makes a significant difference.

Haden cites a study of people that were given a temptation to avoid.  One group was told that when facing said temptation, they would say, “I can’t do…” The others were told to say, “I don’t do…”

The results were clear.  The people that said, “I can’t,” actually gave in to the temptation a staggering 61 percent of the time.

Those that said, “I don’t,” gave in 36 percent of the time.

A clear 30 percent improvement by changing one word.

We have temptations.  All of us.

Especially for smart, ambitious women, the was we use our time can be a challenge.

We struggle with this a lot.

Here are three reasons why you should stop using the word, “Can’t,” in your daily lingo today.

The Word Can’t Sounds Like You Are Not in Control

You sound weak.  Mousy.  Like, you are just hoping to get through the day.  And, well, let’s be honest. We have all had days like that when kids are sick… or you are sick and you are just trying to keep up with the bare bones requirements of the day.

But that is not every day. You do not live your life like that.

Stop telling others you do with your word choice.

For example, if a friend asks you to go to girls’ night out and laugh it up on a Tuesday, the response with… “I can’t. I’ve got to find a babysitter, and we have swim lessons and if we don’t get to bed on time we all suffer in the morning…” Sounds really empty.  Like you are looking for an excuse.

That’s not it at all.  You know your boundaries.  The key is making them clear to others.

If, instead, you say, “Oh, that sounds so fun.  But I don’t go out on weeknights.” That’s enough.  You don’t have to explain the sitter, or the swim lessons, or any other of the many reasons you would absolutely be miserable going out on a Tuesday when you could have kids tucked in and enjoy your reading time all cozied up.

The solution:  Answer with the word “Don’t.”  Like, “I don’t go out on weeknights.”  Or, “I don’t drink.”  That means your boundary was set long before this moment came up.

Can’t Means You Have Another Decision to Make

Many times, using the word “Can’t,” means you are struggling to make a decision.

As naturally positive women, it can be difficult for us to tell others no and move on.  What happens though… is we are put in a situation where others are going to start creating solutions for you.

Solutions, for which you never asked.  Pretty soon, you are swarmed with more choices than you had wanted to consider.

A quick example of this is while you have a few friends who are going to help with a new political campaign, and you are sure that will not be another task in the future because this is the time you want to push for higher stats to get that promotion at work.

But you don’t want to tell them that.  So, you say, “I can’t… I can’t fit another thing in my schedule…” and your friends promptly respond with, “No, look.  We’re going to do this together.  We’ll be together.  This will be our thing and it’s only for a few months.  You’ve got to do this!”

Now, not only are you feeling pressure for the decision, you can see how eager your friends are to have a fun time with you.  Double pressure.

It’s unnecessary.

There are times when you have the decision already mapped out and just don’t want to give all your reasons out to everyone.

That’s perfectly fine.  You are a smart, ambitious woman. You are in control of your life.  So, drive the bus you are on, girl!

The solution: Use the word “Don’t,” when you know the answer and are not looking for someone else’s input.  When those friends ask you to join them in volunteering in the big campaign, or the PTA, or one of the other million things you could be doing, kindly say, “No.  That’s not going to work for me.”  Your decision is made.  You don’t have to explain more than you need to.  Smile, and move on.  Just remember to support those friends in their volunteer campaign.

The Word Don’t is Final

As women we are balancing schedules, mapping out the best way to get to school drop off, grocery trips, filling gas tanks, to make sure that everyone arrives where they need to be at the right time.

So many factors can change in the course of a day.

When you say, “I can’t seem to fit in one more appointment…” what you are saying is that this week is pretty crowded but next week could be much more free to accommodate someone else’s schedule.

That’s not what you’re saying.

When you say, “I do not have time to make one more appointment…” tells someone else that you are booked.  Full. At maximum capacity.  And that is not going to change soon.  It’s where you are at this point in your life.  It’s final.

The Power of One Word in Your Life

By replacing the word “Can’t,” with “Don’t,” you are setting yourself up for full control of your life.  You have created a big, high wall around your boundaries. No one can talk you out moving this big, high wall.  It’s set. You are set.  You are now steadfast and strong, not just in your eyes, but in the eyes of others.

You have given yourself massive power with this one-word change.  Imagine how much more you can do with your boundaries set…

You just got to gettawork.  You’ve got some great things to accomplish.

Ep. 121 – Self-Respect in Your Life

Smart, ambitious women understand the importance of self-respect. This affects every aspect of your life. How do you build self-respect? When do you know you have it? That’s what we discuss on this Monday Maxim.

Self- Respect in Your Life
Self- Respect in Your Life

Remember Lean on Me, the movie of the New Jersey high school principal, Joe Clark?  He’s sharing some insight today on your Monday Maxim.

This your mental Vitamin B. Each Monday I share a little motivation & insight to start the week. You’ve got a lot of people depending on you. There is big work for you to do. So here’s a maxim for you, the smart, ambitious woman, to help you SHINE.

Self-respect permeates every aspect of your life.  – Joe Clark

I lived in New Jersey for nearly a couple years.  That’s where I learned to speak Spanish. That area, Paterson, New Jersey, is where I was assigned as a missionary for my church.

Our local congregation’s leader lived right around the corner from Eastside High School in Paterson.  First, Crazy Joe had to kick out the drugs and problems and focus on those who were coming to school to learn.

This is a perfect lesson for each of us today.

Kick out the stuff that doesn’t belong.  Focus on the good.

The respect you give yourself is the same respect that others give you.

How do you start to give yourself respect?  You earn it.

Self-Respect Starts With Being Dependable

If you say you are going to get up when the alarm rings, do it.  Don’t hit snooze.  Get your feet on the floor and walk. It feels great once that warm shower hits your body.

When you don’t get up in the morning, you are telling yourself, with your actions, that you cannot be depended upon.  And you will respond as you think.  It’s not about just getting up in the morning, it’s about telling yourself you will do exactly what you planned to do.

You are selling yourself to you. Before anyone else knows about it.

Confidence Comes from Committing to Yourself

When you make a commitment to your family, friends, or work, you know that job will be completed.  That’s what makes you a smart, ambitious woman.

What about you?  If you tell yourself you are going to exercise at 7:30 pm, but someone needs your help… you push it aside, don’t you?  Of course, you have.  No more.  You can tell your family & friends, “Look, I will happily help you, but first, I’m going to do this…” then walk out the door, they may be stunned.  But they know you are serious.  The people in your life aren’t taking you seriously because you don’t take yourself seriously.

Kick Out the Junk

It’s spring here in the Pacific Northwest.  I’m on a spring cleaning high!  I love getting rid of all the junk that has accumulated over the winter…(Where did all of that stuff come from, anyway???)  What is left is space to move and breathe.  A better environment for all of us here.

It’s the same with your habits.  You may have collected a few that are holding you back.  You know it’s time.  Replace those habits with healthier ones and see how those tiny steps add up to big changes in your life.

When you know that you can depend on yourself, that you are making (and keeping) consistent commitments to yourself, and you eliminate that junk in your life… you will have gained a self-confidence like never before.  A quiet, internal, powerful self-respect which builds even more tremendous self-confidence.

Tell me in the comments below: How do you work on your self-respect?

Self-Respect for the Smart, Ambitious Woman

Self-respect.  It only comes from within.  No one can give it to you.

Self-Respect Required
Self-Respect Required

But how do you know if you have it?

And, how do you get more?

That’s what this Monday Maxim is all about.

Today’s Monday Maxim

This your mental Vitamin B. Each Monday I share a little motivation & insight to start the week. You’ve got a lot of people depending on you. There is big work for you to do. So here’s a maxim for you, the smart, ambitious woman, to help you SHINE.

More Self-Respect
More Self-Respect

“No man who is occupied doing a very difficult thing, and doing it very well, ever loses his self-respect.”  – George Bernard Shaw

As smart, ambitious women, we can get in our own way of having a healthy amount of self-respect.  We only see what we haven’t accomplished, rather than what gets done.

Consider what you go through in a day:

  • Taking care of others
  • Keeping the house clean & in order
  • Ensuring proper nutrition & exercise is taken care of for you & yours
  • Work responsibilities
  • Church responsibilities
  • Volunteer & Civic duties

This is the list when everything is going right. You do so much on autopilot that you haven’t taken a moment to evaluate how much that is.

When Things Are Difficult

What about when it’s not going right?  How do you get things in order?

Many women who are so excited and want to do something different. But when they turn around and look they just see a mess. How do you get things in order?

Lucille Ball once said, “Love yourself first and everything else falls into line. You really have to love yourself to get anything done in this world.”

That is the missing piece here. There’s a lot of times where you see that the house is a mess, laundry is not caught up and you’ve got to do all of these different things and your cousin still needs that help and your support.

And you still have got to go take care of this and all of these things.

Start with just making sure you’re clear you know and you make the checklist of what has to happen each day and you continue and move forward.  That’s how you ensure that you have even more to give to others is taking that 15 minutes of personal self-care.

Self-Care: the Best Productivity Secret

Maybe self-care for you is writing in your journal. Maybe it’s clicking on YouTube and watching that old episode of the show that you haven’t watched in 20 years that used to make you laugh so stinking hard.

Whatever it is that quick time helps you to get things in order because you are filled up.

You are taking care of you feel rejuvenated refreshed that you have even more to give to those around you. That is the best productivity secret that I have heard that nobody talks about self-respect. Taking care of yourself.

Making sure that you are on your calendar will save you hours and hours of time. To really love yourself is to really make sure that you are respecting, appreciating, and loving what is noble and good and those parts of you that sometimes we hide from the world.

To really love yourself, you must:

  • Stop comparing yourself to others
  • Start appreciating what makes you even more of YOU.
  • Start finding ways to be more of yourself amidst the craziness of the world.

Stop Comparing Yourself to Others

You’ve just got to stop comparing yourself to others. You’re not even here to be just like somebody else. So why are you trying to do it, right?

I’m sick of magazines that tell you to, “Follow these seven steps and you’ll be able to do this perfectly…” because maybe you’re not supposed to do that. I have just learned that even though I love in the kitchen it doesn’t mean everything I cook is gonna be something beautiful. All I could tell you some stories.

Start appreciating those things that make you who you are. For example, I love to think of these random little ideas fun and creative ideas of a way to give someone a gift or a way to know just these little things that I never thought was a talent that is really something I love and it makes me laugh and giggle and when I share it with other people I can just see them laughing and giggling and enjoying that. And I just loved having that part of my life.

Find Your Things, Build More Self-Respect

Find those things for you. Start appreciating that part of you,  then seek out ways to be more you amid a sea of this sameness. That’s how you start loving appreciating yourself. That’s how you start ensuring that rich self-respect and being able to get through that massive list of things that only you, that smart ambitious woman can get done.

Tell me in the comments below, How have you built more self-respect in your own life?

Tools that Work, Canva

There are so many tools you can use to make your online presence really pop. You love the look of different websites you’ve seen… You have an idea of what you would like to create. It’s all in your mind right now and it’s exciting!

Tools that Work
Tools that Work

But where do you start?  How do you know what will work…without spending three full days of your life in front of your computer trying to figure it out?

And, let’s be real… What tools can you afford at this early point in your business?

These are the questions I’m going to answer for you in the next few weeks.

How I Choose Which Tools to Share

I’ve been really particular in which tools I use in my business.  Each week we’ll look at one tool that I use regularly.

Each tool I share with you can:

  • Save you money
  • Save you time, and
  • Get you results now.

Because we’re smart, ambitious women.  We don’t waste time.

Determine Which Tool is Right for You

Sure, there are so many tools available to use. Apps that have lots of insights available. The list goes on. How do you determine which one is right for you?

This series will show you what tools you can use to make your online presence look really polished, really professional and you can do it on your own in a more economical way.

These tools really help you look polished, professional, and still give it your own personality and vibe.

Make Your Quality Graphics Consistently

The first tool to look at is Canva.  If you are not into graphic design, but you know what you like, this is the perfect site for you to get started.

They do have tutorials available.  I’ll be doing a few tutorials to help you get started.

Here’s how I made that graphic over there. >>

 

More Tutorials Coming for You

This is the first in a series of all these different tools.  Each tool I’ll show you will give you one or two skills to learn.

We can give you some options so that all of these different things don’t become overwhelming. You can start where you are and make something that works for you and you’re really proud of.

Once you get started and you move forward. Your skills will improve and you find things that where you can find out more.

What skills do you want to learn more about?  Comment below and let me know.